I’m woken early by the gentle sounds of a housemate rising. I’m working the late shift today so I don’t have to get up. I decide to seize the day.
I’m the only person on the Curragh plains. The sun blesses me with light. Dew drops glitter in the grass.
This morning, I rise at 5am. I do some breathing and get dressed in the half-light.
I shut the front door quietly and slip past blindfolded houses. I feel like I’m playing a trick on society, the only one awake.
I wake in the early hours of the morning. Unable to fall back to sleep, I creep to the other room to meditate.
The curtains are pulled wide. The sky is decorated with layers of cloud, dusky and white. The wind mewls, causing the ebony trees to arch and bounce.
My first instinct is to capture this experience for an Instastory. But having already committed to a social media-free Sunday, I don’t do this.
I’ve made a pleasing decision to treat myself to (at least) one thing per month that will make me feel good. I never question handing over large sums for rent, insurance and petrol, so why not do the same with things that will uplift me?
Investing in myself will increase my value, both to myself and to the world, because it will make me relaxed, energised, creative, motivated and inspired.
I meet singer-songwriter Dermot Kennedy this morning. Afterwards, I type his name into Spotify and admire his voice, lyrics, and most of all, his passion.
Listening to his music ignites something deep inside of me. I have the urge to dance. To write. To spill technicolour all over a blank canvass.
Do you ever question why you feel bad? The majority of the time I feel bad is as a result of a thought I’ve just entertained.
Without the thought, I’d feel perfectly fine. I’d be in the moment.
Feeling upset about something. Nothing in particular and everything at the same time. Unable to articulate, communicate or even know why.
I decide to meditate. Sit with the feeling. Then I start to speak, hesitantly, as though telling a loved one what’s wrong.
She plays the trumpet in her bedroom, eyes closed. He spills all his passion into his lyrics. The beat moves his body as he jumps on stage.
The motivational speaker scrunches her forehead, irises burning. The therapist does his utmost to change the trajectory of his client’s hurtling demise.
There is always something to think, to worry about, to get angry over. Always some drama, a problem to figure out, a decision to make.
With this realisation, I detach, let go, and travel within. The thoughts form and dissolve. The movie of my life still plays on. But I turn down the volume and focus within.
Do you ever feel so bad about yourself that you can’t fathom that great things could happen? You don’t believe in yourself. You forget all the good that you do.